Pressure

If you didn't sing Under Pressure, by the legends themselves, Queen and David Bowie, then I am highly disappointed.

This blog is about all the pressures of life. The heavy weight on a persons shoulder: specifically my shoulders, possibly yours too. I, unfortunately, constantly have some sort of stress ball in the back of my head, building up until I am one stressful mess, crying in my room, listening to sad songs and having no clue how to cope. 

I could do a whole blog post on stress, I probably will, but this is about all the pressures going on at the moment currently for me. Being a university student, obviously there is a huge pressure on me for reading deadlines, dissertation work and essays. As well as this, there is the anxiety every week of having to talk to a group of people about the readings, not quite believing in my points so staying silent (then someone else says it and I kick myself for not being ballsy enough) and then worrying I'll fail as I never talk. Ergh, just typing it out is stressing me.

The next is what the hell am I going to do with my life? I've come to university, thinking I'd have some sort of idea about what I want to do after university, but I have no bloody clue. Another big, big stress as I have just over a year to decide what I want to do and if I can even afford to stay in Brighton.

The job I have also puts pressure on me, what if I don't hit target? What if I lose my job? How will I afford to live? Does anyone even like me? My job is probably much more stressful than a part time job needs to be, but I wouldn't change it as I do love it and it is so rewarding when customers leave with a smile on their face. 

Then there is the pressure of not being good enough, not living up to expectations of others. Although I do try and tell myself that the only person's opinion that matters is my own, there is still that voice in my head which puts pressure on me to please everyone around me, even if it means putting their happiness before my own. 

Then, the other pressure in my life is not being prettier enough, or having the perfect gym body, or my style is completely crap and that I will never live up to all these instagram pages that look like they've got their shit together and look amazing. I put myself under so much pressure to dress up, apply full coverage makeup with falsies everyday and just try and be the best version of myself (looks wise). Even when I can't be bothered, the thought of leaving the house without my extra layer, makes me feel sick. Then when I feel more comfortable in my own skin, I scroll on instagram and see all these naturally pretty girls and think "you will never look like that". There is such a pressure to look a certain way, and when it is rubbed in your face everyday it's hard to get past.

Although there are many more pressures within my life, those are probably the most frequent ones in my life. Sometimes the best thing for me to do is put a bit of music on, go down to the beach and I just feel a massive weight off my shoulders. I'm not sure why but there is something so soothing about the beach and it just feels like nothing else matters in the world.

- Meg