Learning to Heal #1

Learning to heal is always hard, especially when you've had a fair few knock-backs. Its easy to get short-sighted and think there is no hope, nothing will ever get better. I wish I could have ended that sentence with "but it does, I'm living proof" but I'm not going to. 

I think healing is a process that comes in waves, or for me at least. If I was writing this blog post last month I'd be here giving a motivational speech like all the best bloggers do but for now, I can't. 

I always look at myself as "damaged goods" but why? Aren't we all "damaged goods" just wanting a loving home. The problem I find is I look for others to heal me rather than healing myself. I'm not saying you can't have people there while your healing and learning to love yourself but the problem for me though, is I take this too far, avoid the healing and let someone make me feel good about myself rather than doing the hard work. This doesn't work though. It's a short-term solution. I search for this loving home, but in reality, it's right staring right back at me in the mirror.

So I've decided rather than having one night stands, going on zillions of dates, and having strings of boyfriends, to be a single girl. A proper single girl. An independent lady on a discovery and recovery of herself. 

I've had counselling and I know the root of my problem. But just because I know the root of my problem that doesn't mean I'm magically cured and on a lot of occasions I know I won't be. Many of my issues are deep rooted and something I'll always have to live with. These issues do not define me though. They do not have control of my life. Sometimes, of course, they do, but that won't stop me. It is okay for days where all my issues completely take over and I feel like just locking myself away for days, only leaving my room for the toilet. You have to go with the bad days to get the good. It is important to recognise when these issues are reflecting through, and find ways to deal with it.

I feel like I'm rambling and going off on a path that I don't think has an end, but the general gist of what I'm trying to write is everyone has some sort of issue they are dealing with, everyone is healing. I need to heal, and although sometimes I am okay, I know I still have to heal, sometimes I put it on 'pause' and distract myself with other issues but it is important to heal otherwise you'll explode with emotions. 

This is my first rambly post on 'learning to heal', an introduction as it were. I promise next one will have a bit more substance and purpose.

- Meg